It was a Sunday afternoon. I was studying when my mother asked me to wash my brother’s uniform. I refused, arguing that both of us were studying. She gave me a strange look, as though I had defied a natural order. This was not a personal battle. It is a window into the patriarchal mind-set that pervades every household in Ladakh. It is the story of countless women in Ladakh and across India.
According to National Family Health Survey 5, 83% of rural women engage in unpaid domestic work alongside farm tasks. In Ladakh, women dominate agricultural activities including planting seeds, weeding, and harvesting. And they carry a double burden when they return home. After a full day’s work in the field, they are expected to do every domestic task. Meanwhile, men who may spend their day working outside the home return to a life of relative comfort. Their food is served and their needs are met without question. This stark division means that women never get a reprieve and their labour is taken for granted.
These unequal divisions extend to the smallest tasks. Girls are expected to wash not only their own clothes but also that of their brothers, fathers and eventually, husbands. Sunday should be a day of rest and leisure, but girls often spend the day washing piles of clothes. Meanwhile, boys spend the same day playing or socialising with friends.
This raises an important question: Why is a girl’s Sunday considered a day of service while for a boy it is a day of leisure? Why is it ‘normal’ for a sister to wash her brother’s uniform and ‘abnormal’ for a brother to wash his own clothes? Why do we encourage boys to enjoy their free time while expecting girls to spend hours performing unpaid household labour?
The issue is not merely about washing clothes. It is about the values we teach children from an early age. Through these everyday practices girls learn that their time is less valuable than that of boys. They learn that caring for others is their responsibility regardless of their own studies, ambitions, and exhaustion. Boys meanwhile are taught that domestic work and household responsibilities are optional for them and that it should primarily be done by women.
Such practices may appear insignificant when viewed individually but collectively they create a culture in which inequality is normalised. Patriarchy is sustained through laws and institutions as well as everyday routines in our homes. The washing of a uniform, the serving of a meal, the expectation that a daughter must help while a son is free to play; these seemingly small acts shape our understanding of gender roles and reinforce unequal power relations.
Such practices may appear insignificant when viewed individually but collectively they create a culture in which inequality is normalised.
The consequences extend beyond the household. When girls are taught that their needs are secondary, they grow up carrying a disproportionate burden of unpaid labour and their leisure, aspiration and opportunities are often sacrificed in the name of duty. A society that normalises such inequalities cannot claim to be just, democratic or equitable.
If we wish to build an inclusive and equitable society, we must begin by questioning the practices that we have long accepted as normal. Equality will not be achieved only through laws, policies and schemes. We need to teach boys and girls that household responsibilities belong to everyone and not just to womenfolk. It is achieved when daughters are given the same freedom to rest, study, and aspire; that sons enjoy.
The next time a girl is asked to wash her brother’s uniform, instead of asking why she refuses, we should ask: Why is she expected to do it in the first place? Until, we confront that question honestly, patriarchy will continue to occupy every corner of our lives and quietly shape the future of generations to come.
Finally, I urge young girls and boys to discuss with their families why these patterns persist even if such conversations are uncomfortable. Questioning is the first step towards addressing discrimination and inequality. This problem is not unique to Ladakh and is evident around the country and the world.
By Zulikha Bano
Zulikha Bano is pursuing a Masters in Arts (Political Science) at University of Ladakh and has a keen interest in gender, politics and social issues.